a common man ಸಂಜಯ

So many times we dedicate significant amount of energy of our life running behind pleasure. I even remember an ex-colleague who felt that the ultimate existence would be to get plugged into a machine that would give him all the pleasure he needed. I said boy, they’ve already made a movie on that called the Matrix which he hadn’t watched yet (was referring to the first one and not the trilogy)

There’s no denying this very strong deeply rooted assumption in my own mind – in fact almost an absolute conviction – that happiness and pleasure are strongly related… But still this question lingers (maybe somewhat annoyingly! )

JK’s words encourage the question…

‘And pleasure goes with fear. I don’t know if you have watched it. It’s the other side of the coin.

But we don’t want to look at the other side.’

Socrates had said that, and that’s probably the only one thing I for sure about myself as well, and least of all I want to have any intellectual knowledge about God. Its always been hard to explain to anyone why I avoid using the word ‘God’ or saying anything even remotely religious or abstract as far as possible. Some have even mistaken me to be an aethist (for me aethism is just another set of opinions). But I don’t want to just end up becoming a kind of person Meister Eckhart had spoken about:

Some people want to see God with their eyes as they see a cow, and to love him as they love their cow – for the milk and cheese and profit it brings them. This is how it is with people who love God for the sake of outward wealth or inward comfort.

Recently came across a quote by Buddha printed at the bottom of a notebook:

Our theories of the eternal are as valuable as are
those which a chick which has not broken its way
through its shell might form of the outside world.

This came even closer to what was in my heart for which I’d so far been unable to find any words.

Of what value are my opinions and beliefs? Everything that I can rationalise are within the limits of my thinking process. My opinions would only serve as a hinderance! That’s why as far as God is concerned, I simply want to kill all my beliefs and join the murderer’s club!

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PS: I hope to learn from my baby son to be innocent like him. An innocent man of course does not mean he to be naive and vulnerable, but more of never taking anything for granted but always learning as if the whole world is fresh and new!

This is a pretty good program – thanks to Conan who sent me a link. It reminds us to take breaks during computer usage. It really helps to avoid the almost invisible physical strain that we are inadvertently causing to ourselves. The animated excercises are pretty cool!

I tried this software today and at first it was quite annoying to be interrupted every now and then with reminders. Takes a bit of getting used to it and understanding its value for one’s own health. A meditator can also use the breaks even more effectively. Its possible to not lose the continuity of working inspite of taking most of the breaks it suggested (sometimes I had to click on the Skip button!) At the end of the day using it, it was quite refreshing actually!

Introduction

 

Workrave is a program that assists in the recovery and prevention of Repetitive Strain Injury (RSI).

The program frequently alerts you to take micro-pauses, rest breaks and restricts you to your daily limit.

Workrave: Screenshots

Workrave Download

Btw, another similar commercial product.

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See also: My own RSI Story

Shruthi’s written this fascinating post about how her new born baby daughter only seems to admire her hair more than anything else! I was reminded of her post when a physiotherapist Sonali visited our home, and she was telling me to show flash cards of simple geometric shapes in black and white to my new born son for a few seconds once in a way, during his first month. So we made a few and stuck them on cardboard to make them like flash cards.

Sonali explained something which reminded me of Shruthi’s post, that kids for the first 1.5 months or so (earlier it used to be 3 months, they’re smarter in recent generations!) recognize and identify only B&W – jet black and pure white. This is because of the chronological difference in the development of rods and cones in our eyes. the more sensitive rods develop first (which facilitate vision at low light levels, but not color), and then followed by the cones (which can recognize color). For the time being, anything that’s gray looks just kind of hazy. Apparently red is the first color they start recognising, so she recommended adding in that color in subsequent flash cards after 1.5 months!

It seems one of the advantages is also to help in developing attention and interactivity. I’ll never know if it had never made a difference to my son if we hadn’t tried it out, but since this was a natural thing and he might as well look at those cards for a few seconds instead of anything else, we gave it a shot. Most of the time he didn’t seem to have any particular reaction to them, so who knows whether it helped or not, but it was good fun anyway!

Another interesting suggestion she gave was for the father to spend good amount of time holding the baby as well. And to talk to the baby, read stories to him, etc even though he may not look like he’s understanding anything. Also she suggested we speak to him mostly in a normal tone like we’d talk to any adult, rather than in any coochie coochie tones [and this I happened to have been doing most of the time anyway not bad my paternal instincts heh heh ]

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See also: baby whisperer (wow… had never imagined when I’d posted that that I’d have my own son few years later!)

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PS: I made a website for Dr. Sonali but as she’s not too web savvy (also she dosen’t stay in Bangalore so we’re not much in regular contact) and dosen’t look like she’s going to be updating it much.

Long ago I’d made this photo titled “swatantra jeevi’ in Kannada, which roughly translates to “free individual/spirit”

(Just for fun, not really considering myself so absolutely free!! )

Check out this pose of our son (photo taken by my wife)! Hope this picture brings you a lot of smiles!

This is a long pending post which I’ve just kept postponing as I’ve not spent enough time on this site off late, but can’t afford to anymore…

Whether you find meditation boring, or you find the very idea absurd and impractical, or whether you are curious, or you’re interested, or you’ve been very keen on learning it, or you’ve already found your own teacher or technique or group which you don’t want to change, or you just want to consider it not for now but some time in the future, I fully respect your personal views and decisions. You must listen to your heart to know what is right for you.

This post is just what it is – merely an invitation – which you may feel free to ignore – to just one of the countless possibilities that I’d discovered many years ago and have been sort of in a hopelessly undisciplined but yet dogged determined way, have been trying to practice.

Its a well known belief across all religions that Jesus or Allah or Krishna – God – is in everyone – in each of us. Therefore for me – every sitting is a pilgrimage – where I peel of all my self-created false masks – keep on discovering what I am not. I don’t consider myself a “seeker of God” which for me feels pretty much like that story of a fish that went looking for the ocean. I don’t look for anything in particular. But yet for me every sitting of an hour’s meditation is like a mini-pilgrimage – a journey right within my own humble being.

Occasionally I go into 10 days of solitude (though with other students and a qualified teacher – still solitude within myself) – which takes me further into the unknown, shakes my false certainity and security a bit more, and leaves me with a lot more love for the Divine, and a deeper understanding for all manifestations in our beautiful world!

All these years I’ve mostly done this trip alone – to different centers in India (including Bangalore). Having registered for the Hyderabad center for a course from 1st to 12th, I thought it would be really cool atleast one more friend could join me this time!

This is a sequel to the post: can a common man afford to waste time in looking inside?

We see well to do people who have never explicitly tried practicing any inner silence, though there is no one who would never have inadvertently atleast to some extent, doing very well in general (as a result of some good deeds, or maybe they succesfully make a show of others that they are doing well concealing all their troubles!) And then ‘no real need of all that nonsense!’ starts to sound more and more convincing.

I’ve come to value my own life greatly – never taking it granted. Every minute is really precious to me. However I know that decades will just rip by and so this quote makes a lot of sense:

“People should think about what their lives will be like
if they don’t do meditation.
They should consider what their lives
will be like after 10, 20, 30 years
if they decide to just follow the way of the world.
What will their hearts be like then – what will they
have of value in their hearts to bring
true happiness into their daily lives
and the lives of those around them.
And what will they have developed
in their hearts to carry on to the next life,
because the next life is only as good
as we make it in this life.
If you don’t take advantage of
your opportunity to do meditation in this life,
why should you expect to get
the same opportunity in the next life?
You may not get such a good chance again.”

~ Ajaan Panyavaddho

I felt this was one of the most beautiful quotes I’ve every come across.

I think if one has never done any meditation – even if they are a little sensitive, this quote is something that makes one pause and reflect! And for those who are already trying meditation, then it is even more important we need to introspect on the direction of life so far, before and since we started meditation, and where it is going now, and how we can practice/apply even better. Esp the point:

What will their hearts be like then – what will they have of value in their hearts
to bring true happiness into their daily lives and the lives of those around them.

All our lives we are looking at the outside world, but we hardly know whats going on inside us. Maybe just a little bit occasionally but just on the surface.

Only a simple example: who in their right mind would indulge in self-immolation – however important the issue at hand may be??

But this is what happens so many times indirectly, when people get angry – for perfectly logical justifiable reasons to them at any particular situation in the outside world! “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” – isn’t just a nice quote, it happens literally – but how many get to know about it when it is required? This was only a simple example, not that control of anger is the main thing I am trying to say.

A few decades from now, whether I will be rich or not, healthy or not, so many unknowns… who knows? But the main question is – what would my heart be like then? Over age with my half-baked experiences, will I start growing narrow-minded, getting into my own shell, avoid learning from younger and smarter people, become more prejudiced, more selfish, more insecure?

This is where we can find one of the real needs for meditation, which gives me a means to cultivate my heart!

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For me what started several years ago as a technique of meditation, after practice and several training sessions, started seeing that the terminology of ‘meditation’ part starts diminishing.

Maybe because common concept associated with ‘meditation’ is that we’re trying to do something – get something done – go from some point A to some other point B. But here we ‘unlearn’ all that, since the only idea is to be present at point A in the first place, 100% completely wholeheartedly present! (and point B whatever it may be will occur on its own).

Then the concept of meditation as a seperate activity starts dissolving, and awareness just flows into every other every day activity, as a way of life, even if its a dynamic one like running or working.

I use the word here because I’m only a beginner. I have hardly been consistent in my practice. My experiences as above are only intermittent, and barely just enough to be sure of what I’m talking about.

I have a theory: Any individual in the course of his life, can do whatever he wants to do. Without a foundation of pure love, he may use will power, intellectual thinking and so on, and he may achieve something of astronomical proportions and maybe get fame and fortune. Time will fly by, and sooner or later, he will have to confront unexplainable and apparently most apparently-undeserved “this shouldn’t have happened to me” situations. If not anything else – certainly his own old age and death. He will have to confront this in his heart of hearts at the end of the day, inspite of all his successes, that what he has ended up with was not what he had set out to do, that he has lost track somewhere.

But with a pure dharmic foundation of love, even if he does simple things, simply lives the life of a common man, but practices regularly, there is no question of losing touch with the basic foundation of what he had set out to do.

Whatever wonderful picture I paint to others or myself, there is no denying this aspect of me when I look at myself really deeply: That my ability to love is so weak, biased and uncommitted. Its quite clear that there exists within me a savage, selfish, indifferent brute. All I want to really do is to be a decent human being. I want to engage in the lifelong activity of purifying and strengthening my ability to truly and purely love!

And as I manage to do that, then it would be the basis of something more than my own life – to be used as an instrument by the forces of Nature.

“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy”

Meditation has significantly improved the quality of my life. Same situation, but without meditation, perception even if its good is shallow and limited. With a deeper understanding, the same situation is deeper and far far richer. Just one example from a more recent experience: for the parents with an infant baby, though parental love is of course present, the kid is in a way a cute adorable doll that keeps one awake all night. But with a deeper insightful view can one begin to recognize and appreciate the purity and Divinity in a child much more intimately!

Nowadays in modern society, I see my peers and friends and life seems so perpetually hectic all the time. Morning to afternoon to evening, there’s just one thing after the other that has to be got done almost immediately! Even weekends are hectic with all the pending household chores, with maybe a little bit of entertainment as well squeezed in here and there. There’s absolutely no time to waste! And in terms of entertainment there are TONS of things to do, so many movies to watch, places to go to, etc.

So its perfectly understandable why I look like such an odd guy and a total misfit in society when I spend over an hour on many weekdays, or an entire day on a Sunday – just sitting in silence – apparently dozing off (and sometimes really ) Obviously talking – forget it – just happening to even mention about it – instantly alienates me from society. Because although the foundation of Indian culture is meditation, generally its looked down upon as something for some unworldly ascetic saint. At the most there are some for whom its just a hobby or a stress-reliever.

Whenever I even mention the word, or someone happens to find out by casual conversation, my subsequent clarifications that I’m just a common man fall on deaf ears! But really the last thing I want to do is renounce the world and shut myself into some ashram!

Read the rest of this entry »

Somewhat inspired by this article The first few hours, I thought I’d write down some notes as well just for the record, elaborating on some emails.

For nine months, my son has been part of his mother. They’ve been in the most intimate contact with each other. She knows when he was kicking around, when he’s sleeping, how he’s growing. When he twists and turns and sometimes wants to change his posture, she’s the only one who gets really uncomfortable while he’s readjusting in his cramped accommodation. There is not much a Dad can be in the loop except in the external world. He can take her around for the medical checkups, spend time with her, get her whatever little she’s occasionallyasked for , and sometimes even feel the movements of the baby externally. He can also talk to the baby, read books to it. This seemed to be really silly, but I did end up reading aloud a story book every night. If not anything else, it seems it atleast made a significant improvement in the quality of my wife’s sleep. I’d also been flipping through books and websites and subscribing to newsletter from sites like pregnancy.com. That site is really good because it gives detailed medical information in an email every week with pictures of the development of the baby.

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In 1997 when I was to take engineering, I was pretty sure I wanted to get into information technology. It had started with my interest in video games, but eventually I wanted to really do something about the digital divide, I wanted to empower the remotest people with instant information from around the world relevant to their specific problem. I believed that things that some particular group of people are struggling with, are things which someone else in the world had solved and gotten over with, and had gone on to other things, and the first group of people just needed to get in touch with the approach done by the second group and get over their problem as well. More than anything else, I felt frustrated with people hung up over inane trivial issues and wasting all their energy in doing things in a terribly outdated way, when there were better, far more efficient ways, to do the same thing, and when they could move on to something else. I wanted to improve the quality of life esp of people in rural areas. Looking back, this is a pretty noble ambition.

But then I got into a job through campus recruitment. My job was pretty interesting – I did what I loved to do which was programming and learning about different kinds of technology. And I also got to travel a lot, which was a really wonderful experience.

But, perhaps a noble ambition is the worst enemy of a fellow who dosen’t have the consistent drive to work towards it. Read the rest of this entry »