refining listening skills
When Person A is saying something to Person B, several things typically happen…
B is really hearing only parts of what A is saying because
– after having heard around 25% of it, thinks he already knows what A is talking about
– he’s already preparing responses to what A is saying and missing out on parts in the meantime
– shuts off further hearing, and just waits for A to finish, so that he can fire his ready-response
Usually this is how many conversations go on!
These ideas of listening were based on attending Kichu’s workshop around 1998, and eventually later on from another teacher…
[This post is a placeholder to see if I can recover some further notes that I’d made for a friend a couple of years after the workshop]
Sanju,
The second paragraph is so true and happens with most of us. I feel a talented listener will be much more successful than a good talker. Through refining our listening skills, we not only understand just what to say; we also understand when not to say anything at all. We become more open, present, and responsive. In turn, we renew the sense of peace within ourselves. It sounds simple, but listening is almost a lost art: some of us may have forgotten how to do it; some of us may have never quite learned.
Today has been a bumper issue from you. Plenty of great articles after a long time!
Really beautiful comment Bellur. (Had to read it a couple of times as I hadn’t listened properly the first time I read :twisted:)
Too too true. This happens a lot when I observe friends having a discussion (often in the evening and accentuated by drink). Also politians on TV are terrible for it. In both cases it leads to tense conversations with no-one feeling like they’re being heard.
Except where girlfriends are concerned.
There, when I’m listening intently and considering what’s being said, silence can be interpretted as not paying attention/not listening/not caring.
Alternatively, the converse is often true, leading to “I don’t want you to try to solve everything, I’m just talking things over”.
Sigh 😉
Does the author matter (btw its not me 🙂 )
,———————————————–,
,’ ___ ___ \
. | _ _| _. / _ ||_ _ _ |__|_ :
| |(_)(_|(_|\/_> || |(_)|_|(_|| ||_ |
+————— /————— _|—————–+
| |
| Listening without thought |
| ========================= |
| |
| I do not know whether you have listened to a |
| bird. To listen to something demands that your |
| mind be quiet- not a mystical quietness, but |
| just quietness. I am telling you something, and |
| to listen to me you have to be quiet, not have |
| all kinds of ideas buzzing in your mind. When |
| you look at a flower, you look at it, not |
| naming it, not classifying it, not saying that |
| it belongs to a certain species- when you do |
| these, you cease to look at it. Therefore I am |
| saying that it is one of the most difficult |
| things to listen- to listen to the communist, |
| to the socialist, to the congressman, to the |
| capitalist, to anybody, to your wife, to your |
| children, to your neighbor, to the bus |
| conductor, to the bird- just to listen. It is |
| only when you listen without the idea, without |
| thought, that you are directly in contact; and |
| being in contact, you will understand whether |
| what he is saying is true or false; you do not |
| have to discuss. |
\____________________________________________________/
(thats a quote from JK)