the joy of aimless drifting
The other day I went to a marriage hall – it was amazing how people are so obsessed with trivial things, and also how they act among each other. Even the groom on the stage was all smiles when the photo was being taken, or when someone came to greet him, and the smile got “switched off” as soon as its necessity ceased. I somehow felt the whole ambience asphixiating. Btw my mom had made me also wear a gold chain and a gold ring. I don’t know why I felt a strange aversion to them, but still I’d overruled it and put them on.
Finally I left my mom alone and walked out into the cool breeze outside – there was a dark empty street and which led to a calm residential area. Here I was, in complete formals even wearing a black jacket – and walking around as a complete stranger – some kid playing on the street, some people chatting, a VCD shop where someone was arguing… just casual things like that. But the fact that I was a complete stranger and had nothing to do with anything was a kind of relief actually. I walked around up and down for around half an hour savoring my solitude and then went back, my mom hadn’t missed me at all 🙂 That feeling of non-belonging and non-obligation is really incomparable – who knows maybe she too was feeling the same 🙂
I later came to know that there was some controversy about the marriage. For some particular ritual the groom’s parents werent allowed to sit for it. I was surprised how come the bride’s side was so dominant as to make such a restriction. Usually in India its the groom’s side that calls the shots. But my mother was very upset, she said that it’s the worst crime that she could never forgive for life, the groom should’ve done something about it, how could he be such a wife-servant. After she went on and on about it I couldn’t help commenting cynically, especially considering that we were merely guests in that place and had nothing to do with it: “how can you take it so seriously” and she said “oh you cant understand anything, when you become a parent and you’re in that place then you’ll know how much these things hurt”.
Oh boy, I can already see its going to be a lot of fun whenever it is that I get married!
Marriages are made in Heaven. So goes the saying but it is the society that makes the marriages a helluva thing. Worst are certain marriages that I have seen in north India where vulgar display of wealth is at the peak. Leave alone the cacophonic music and other eye-sores, I thank God that I have remained single.
Marriage is a personal commitment to help in each other’s personal development between two individuals.
The helluva thing that society makes out of it isn’t always a bad thing as it can also be a good occasion to meet many long lost friends and bring a lot of people together. On the other hand, making it an egoistic exhibhition of wealth or rituals is also a possibility depending mostly on the families of the two individuals. But in either case, all that is just a temporary layer, that becomes a mere memory once its all over. It doesn’t reflect at all the importance of the relationship between the two individuals.
I was sort of sceptical/neutral to the idea of marriage initially, and I married a bit later than my peers. What I’ve found so far is that a woman really thinks differently from a man, and that different perspective helps me get a more complete perspective of life 🙂 I wouldn’t recommend it to others, its an individual’s decision. I believe marriage is never a solution to anything, and looking back I’m glad I knew that earlier, and married only as a choice but not looking for any solution.
Well,as for dear Sanjay’s reaction to my observations of helluva thing, I also realise the essence of marriage and how it boosts the social set-up. For instance, being a single I have realised what it means going on a holiday either to my brother Dineshanna’s home (yes, HOME and not a house) when there is always someone to open the door and beam a smile at me whereas in Delhi where I presently reside, my returning to the so-called home is nothing but the four mute walls amidst scattered newspapers and inches of dust on them and all over. Samething is experienced when I go to Bangalore. There is always my cousin Vimal or her bhubby Hanumantbhayya or their son Ravi and his wife to welcome me.
Well that is life or in other words life is like that.
hey suresh great to hear from you again! Yeah really nice to read your lovely comment… reminds me of the adage: A house is made of bricks, a home is made of HEARTS!