attempted arranged marriage

Anyway an update from me… reached Germany safely – and safely in
more ways than one – I’m still a bachelor 😉 But as some of you
would know, I’ve been actually cooperating with Amma and actively
going through the trauma of an arranged marriage looking for a
girl.

One might ask how I was conned… er… convinced finally.

Left to my own devices, I would continue on my country hopping
spree – my next target was to work in Japan, and so on. I truly love
travelling and discovering the world, its very much a part of me.
That much of freedom would be possible, but only idealitic and more
likely very improbable after marriage.

One of you had said think of yourself living alone for the rest of
your life and live with that idea as a concrete decision for a week.
Then think of yourself as a family man and live with that for a
week – then see which one suits you better. This made a lot of sense
really.

Another thing is I came across this quote:

************************************
“Freedom without love is Loneliness
Love without freedom is Posessiveness”
************************************

I think this makes a lot of sense too – as long as one dosent end up
in one of the extremes.

But still I must say the compulsion to remain a bachelor was really
very powerful.

I hadnt really decided any particular thing, simply experimenting
with possibilities, but time was running out. This is not a
generalisation: for me personally I think 30 is the upper limit to
get married, or else I better remain a bachelor because later I
would be far too much used to being alone and marriage would be a
real headache.

A main turning point was sitting in silence for 10 days (in
Hyderabad) where its possible to understand atleast a little bit our
true nature which we – incredibly enough – often hide from
ourselves. So when I came back, I finally decided ok its clearly a
good idea to get married, there no more ambiguity or doubt left
(inspite of me being a Gemini!).

Anyway, since I hadnt fallen madly in love with anyone – and Amma
was very keen (to say the least!) I got into this venture of
arranged marriage.

At first people asking for inane criteria like caste and sub-caste
and “software engineer ONLY” and “abroad ONLY” all kinds of other
really absurd narrow-minded prejudices. I felt it was all nothing
but a road to disaster! Only around 2% of the “Requirements” fields
in the listings had anything to indicate personality or character of
the person they were looking for, it seemed that that didnt count at
all.

But only over time I understood that whether I like it or not, thats
how the system here works.

Gradually, my cynicism gave way to curiosity and then to wonder. Its
been very interesting learning experience really, where I found
myself discovering that a certain amount of selfishness and
prejudices are strangely enough actually a necessity in this matter;
though it did take a bit of effort for me to act that way myself.
Then I actually started getting the hang of it as well, though
consciously and trying to not take it too far – but its pretty hard
to know where to draw the line, and takes a good bit of
experimentation.

But anyway though we managed to make some progress, most of it was
only during the last few days and nothing was finalised. But luckily
theres some anti-marriage astronomical activity going on, and most
astrologers suggest now is a good time to NOT look for a partner. I
believe astrology is a science (though of course there are fewer
true scientific astrologers and more of clever-psychologist
astrologers). I would listen to a reliable one as a guideline
atleast. So no more searching for now. So anyway, its all going
according to plan (not mine, but well atleast somebody’s plan).

Mahesh gave really good support on all of this, it was great having
him around!

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