savoring the silence

I’m finding out how nice it is not to have a website and not needing to write anything but simply listening to what others have to say on their own sites 8)

Off late, something has changed. I’ve noticed in me a subtle but significant shift in my perception of things in general – and I find it hard to put it down in words. Its a kind of increase in the intensity and commitment to the common everyday life activities. Eg I’ve become a bit more tougher (and on the other hand, also gentler) with my junior colleagues. That in turn has enforced more discipline in me as well. (Because though at times I might end up becoming a hypocrite unknowingly, atleast knowingly I want to avoid it and have to live up to my words myself!) I’ve started taking up more responsibilities and creative initiatives. This probably will come up in another post by itself.

This shift is more a generic one, not consistent all the time, and definitely not this morning…

This morning I woke up at around 7 i.e. just opened my eyes and looked at the watch… and was just mulling around in bed… lost in random sporadic chains of thoughts… and suddenly found that it was 8:30 AM! I have nothing against being lazy… and believe that in a way it has its own benefits. However nowdays, I’ve somewhat been overdoing it. This particular morning, I didn’t feel very happy about it. I was not feeling relaxed or energetic, on the other hand had felt somewhat bored and tired, and felt I’d indiscriminately slaughtered 90 minutes of my own life. So many unlived dead moments – just slipped away…

Got out of bed, and found a really long forwarded SMS waiting for me from a friend. I didn’t feel like reading such a big sms at all esp first thing in the morning, and just kept the mobile down. My wife, who happened to walk in that time, had a look while I cribbed about how such big messages should’ve been in an email instead of an SMS, and then cribbed about how 90 minutes had flown by!

Vijetha after reading it probably more patiently, commented that that’s what the sms had been about. And that prompted me to take a second look… it said…

Time does not wait 4 u or me. days pass n years pass u lose ur loved ones, u move away from ur loved ones. ur life changes, frnds changes, society changes! But ur heart has those precious moments etched in it whether u want it or not, it is there! making u happy at sad times n making u even more painful at times. ur heart has those moments in that corner where no one can see what it is, they ask seeing ur blank face and u just smile, saying, “NOTHING”. Good morning.

Hmm…

And after a moment’s reflection… I found it was actually a nice really timely one, and replied…

And because my heart has all that stuffed up, it has become a bit dark there is not much room – yet – for light and freshness and innocence and PURE love and joy – which can only be got by clearing it up!

These holidays I have to catch up with some pending things, and hope to manage to publish some draft posts written during the downtime of this site by Monday!

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