[Though there are specifics here, my guess is that similar ideas are applicable to any caste]
Going through the” trauma” 😉 of arranged marriage reveals many things, among others, the role of caste in our modern urban highly developed Bangalore society. It is just unbelievable how many highly educated families are so closed knit about caste that they never ever want to venture to anybody outside their own community. “Why marry someone of some other caste when there are so many good boys/girls of our own caste?”
So let’s take a closer look at the Lingayat caste. Everyone belonging to this community puts up the photo of Basavanna in their houses, as he’s the founder. So his opinion should be worth considering here…
Basavanna provides a very simple, succinct checklist for any human being:
ಕಳಬೇಡ ಕೊಲಬೇಡ kalabeDa (don’t steal) kolabeDa Don’t kill,
ಹà³à²¸à²¿à²¯ ನà³à²¡à²¿à²¯à²²à³ ಬೇಡ husiya nuDiyalubEDa Don’t lie,
ಮà³à²¨à²¿à²¯ ಬೇಡ muniya bEDa Don’t be angry,
ಅನà³à²¯à²°à²¿à²—ೆ ಅಸಹà³à²¯ ಪಡಬೇಡ anyarige asahya paDabEDa Don’t be averse to others,
ತನà³à²¨ ಬಣà³à²£à²¿à²¸à²¬à³‡à²¡ tanna baNNisabEDa Don’t praise yourself
ಇದಿರ ಹಳಿಯಬೇಡ itara haLiyabEDa Don’t condemn others
ಇದೇ ಅಂತರಂಗ ಶà³à²§à³à²§à²¿! ide antaranga shuDDi This is internal purification
ಇದೇ ಬಹಿರಂಗ ಶà³à²§à³à²§à²¿! ide bahiranga shuDDi This is external purification
ಇದೇ ನಮà³à²® ಕೂಡಲ ಸಂಗಮನೊಲಿಸà³à²µ ಪರಿ. ide namma kUDala sangamanolisuva pari This is the way we approach God
This by itself contains volumes and volumes of literature in a nutshell.
And nowhere it mentions about caste here. He does not talk about which family the person must be born in, etc. If any person is to be measured, it must be by these parameters alone, not by any caste at birth!
But another major justification for caste – that causes a lot of insecurity is that “ದೊಡà³à²¡à²µà²°à³ ಯೇನೊ ಮಾಡಿರà³à²µà²¾à²— ಅದಕà³à²•à³† ಯೇನೊ ಕಾರಣವಿರà³à²¤à³à²¤à²¦à³†, ಸà³à²®à³à²¨à³† ಅದನà³à²¨ ಬಿಡಬಾರದ೔ – doDDavaru yeno maaDiruvaaga adakke yeno karaNa irutte, sumne adanna biDabaaradu – that elder learned people (of previous generations) have decided something based on what they know, and since we don’t know as much as they knew, we must never abandon them, even if we don’t understand them.
In the future, the current generation – the current elders – will be considered as the “elders” by subsequent generations! So what they decide now is important. But that dosen’t convince them. Not even this classic song from a Raj Kumar movie, where surely its learned people who have written the song!
But now the most important point. Let’s look at Basavanna’s background. The wiki page is good because it has simple unbiased writing instead of conventional religious biographies that are usually dramatised to make sure they convey the point.
Born into a brahmin family residing in the small town of Bagewadi in the area that is present day northern Karnataka, India in 1134, Basava grew up in a strict, religious household where he was made to wear a sacred thread known as the Janivara. In childhood, he was also able to perform many complex religious rites.
He was born in a Brahmin family, which according to most people’s beliefs, makes him a Brahmin. Yet why do Lingayats of today hesitate to marry their children to a Brahmin, that caste being the very caste of the founder? Is it not a great paradox?
After the death of his parents soon after, he rejected Upanayana ceremony and ritualism, claiming those who performed the rituals had no “true insight.”
This would’ve required tremendous courage from him.
Now, this is the great irony…
He preached equality among humankind and condemned all barriers of caste, creed and sex, fighting against the caste system.
…
Basava created much controversy by actively ignoring the societal rules associated with the caste system, which he wished to abolish. By allowing untouchables to have lunch at his residence and praising the historic marriage of a Brahmin woman and an Untouchable man… Basava believed that man becomes great, not by his birth but by his worth to the society.
This is what this great man stood for! It was not easy for any man to live with so much of controversy, actively ignoring societal rules is no joke! This what he dedicated his entire life for… equality!!
And now what do his followers do? Make his sect another closed group, favoring and preferring only each other, and having prejudices against any other. Apart from the issue of marriage, caste in general is also a way of discrimination in other situations – nothing short of racisim – in social circles, cultural or religious organisations, and even work places such as government offices as well.
Caste seems to be a significant cultural and ethnographical aspect of Indian society. (Atleast that’s what I found out once I got into the arranged marriage thing, because I hardly remember ever asking anyone what caste they belonged to (and very rarely I’d been asked myself)). But it must not end up being yet another brick in the wall. We must question whether it deserves the amount of significance we are giving to it in important decisions, when there are so many other vital factors like human values or strength of character to be considered.
——
On a more personal note, as far as choosing a life partner was concerned, I wasn’t interested in rejecting someone I liked who was from the same caste, just to be an “example to society” or anything of that sort. But it so happened that the girl, introduced by a mutual friend, and whom my Mom and me finalised upon, happened to be from a different caste.
My family was slightly reluctant but eventually very supportive, but from her side there were some conflicts and difficult situations. It led to even suggestions to discretely elope, etc. I have not much inhibhition in being an outright rebel – but I personally prefer to coexist in harmony with society. This, in my opinion, is generally happens to be more difficult. But anyway, due to all kinds of factors – mainly our shared beliefs in openness, clear communication, patience, and belief that an optimal solution for all exists – somehow seemed to end up in things falling in place. The engagement went very well, there was no sense of seperation as our two families mingled together very freely and happily, and everything in the inter-caste social event went very well.
Yes, there’s still a good chance that what we might in the future still face what most people fear about inter-caste aliances : conflicts in the future, unhealthy remarks from other people from the community, etc. Though hopefully all that is quite unlikely in the current and future generations. Nevertheless, its a risk we are taking, and will face whatever the consequences over time. After all, its not that life for a couple within the same caste is a bed of roses 😉
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